im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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