Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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