I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
