Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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