Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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