I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
