I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I need a burrito and a hug.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So much Jack, so little girl.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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