Acid is not a monday night drug
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
