you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
