Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
