I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
