Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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