So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
