david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize