I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
high people should be assigned attendants
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
