listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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