Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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