its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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