I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
