I'm going to jail i love you
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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