well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
