You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
