I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
