My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
