when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
