So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize