A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
