She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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