Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
