halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
