some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
