sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
