Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
