He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it glows. i had to have it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
