No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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