and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
