take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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