i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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