Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
