Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
