Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
