She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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