Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
