Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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