Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
