I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
