I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize