Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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