Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
