drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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