2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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