This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
