Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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