the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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