I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
