I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
