remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
