He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
