it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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