Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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